That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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