This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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