Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
