Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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