Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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