This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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