Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
