I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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