i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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