I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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