He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
