My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
