I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
