After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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