Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
