how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
