M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
