Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
