No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
