Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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