I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
