she looked like the before picture.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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