these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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