I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Randomize
