do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
