Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
