WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
