ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
