i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
