I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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