He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
