Jerry, you need to find god
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
