So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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