pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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