he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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