if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im holly from the hills drunk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
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Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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