JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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