remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
