She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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