I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
