I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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