I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
