Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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