i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
