you traded sex for a burrito?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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