were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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