I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
