I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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