dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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