May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
