He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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