My room smells like vodka and shame
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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