I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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