Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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