Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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