Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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