Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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