maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
