What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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