You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
