I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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