i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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